Dear humans and others,
How are y’all? Well, I hope! Unless, of course, you’re the person who hit my car at the weekend and drove off…
Anyway, it’s been quite the week here - and where better to find out about it than here?
So, without further ado, here’s the menu du jour…
Another zero point
I’ve sold my cow
Hotel security
That’s it. No dessert. But I’ve got some out-of-date quinoa if anyone wants it.
Only kidding! There’s more too! Get reading! NOW!
Toodle-pip,
James x
PS Read to the end! ;)
Warning
Baba, Baby, Baby Lasagna
I know that, like me, you have been spending all week considering the potential Croatian entries for Eurovision 2024 in Malmo.
I am one of the few who would have loved to be backing Let 3 because… well, they’re nuts and their sense of anarchic fun is, for me, exactly the right approach to take for Eurovision and, in addition to that, I think that the crowds would have welcomed their return.
However (and I look forward to retracting all this in a few weeks), I just can’t see how Baba Roga is going to win - because I don’t see how it could be performed. Firstly, there’s the whole chick thing (see video) and then there’s the whole auto-tune thing (hear video).
Now, does that mean that I think that, if those problems could be overcome, Let 3 couldn’t get us another top-half finish in the final? No! I just don’t think it will get that far because my understanding of the rules is that they have to perform live and can’t use auto-tune.
For me, this means there are two options. The first is Baby Lasagna with Rim Tim Tagi Dim. We all know that what is important in Eurovision winners is to have some profound lyrics and, I think we can all agree that nobody is going to beat the borderline Shakespearean beauty of :
Ay- I’m a big boy now
I’m ready to leave, ciao mamma ciao
Ay- I’m a big boy now
I’m going away and I sold my cow
But don’t take my word for it, here it is…
The other option is Noelle with Baby Baby. This, however, is unlikely to get very far on account of how it’s a good song.
You can check out all the others on the Dora HRT Youtube Channel - but… I mean… look, it’s up to you.
If nothing else, if you take the time to go back to the title of this section, you will have to agree that it is very clever.
Unlikely but True
In today’s edition of ‘Unlikely but True’, I have compared two black/blue passports.
A Croatian passport will get you into 117 countries visa-free - just one fewer than a UK passport.
The difference used to be enormous.
What a time to be alive!
Hotel Security
A while ago, I stayed in a B&B Hotels hotel. To be fair, for the price, it was quite good - clean and functional. However, I felt that the security wasn’t everything that it could be. Here’s why…
When you check-in, you are given a piece of card with some information about the hotel. It looks like this:
Inside it, they write your room number and the code to access your room. It looks like this.
So far, so good.
Except that card was not my room and it was not my door code. I found it outside the hotel, on the floor.
Now, I’ve waited weeks to write this to ensure that nobody can use the code but, if I wasn’t so scrupulous, I could have walked into their room and walked out with all their belongings.
New rule - I’m not using another hotel with a keypad entry to the room. Thanks but no thanks.
Zero Points
Regular reader of my unvarnished drivel, Phill from the United Kingdom, contacted me after my comments about the Zero Point outside Notre Dame in Paris in the previous edition.
Phill tells me that ‘Zero point in London is the roundabout south of Nelson’s Column, as I’m sure you know’. Well, it turns out that I didn’t!
Do you have a zero point near you? Take a photo and send it to me and I’ll share it with the world*!
*Those members of the world who read this.
Pod Corner
WHY DID NONE OF YOU TELL ME ABOUT THIS?!?! FFS, kids, I write all this quality entertainment for you and you keep things like this secret!
This week’s pod recommendation (yes, Christian, I said pod!) is Out to Lunch with Ade Edmondson.
I don’t think I need to explain why. It’s a pod and it’s hosted by Ade Edmondson.
Here he is, out to lunch with Bridget Christie.
Excellent stuff!
Thank you!
These emails are powered by coffee! If you feel so inclined, thank you! They are hugely appreciated! My buymeacoffee link is at https://www.buymeacoffee.com/jamesmb and I’ll post a photo of each one you get me as a thank you!
Look, here’s one!
This week’s coffee comes courtesy of John in Spain! It’s from the bar in town and I think I’m breaking no laws about lying by saying that it’s the first coffee that I have had in France that came with a brownie. Thanks, John! It was a very welcome moment to stop and think - much appreciated always but especially at the moment!
The other fab way to support these newsletters is to share them with your friends online - just click below and pick the relevant option!
Also, apparently, clicking Like (the heart at the top of this email) is a good way to support the email. I’m told that’s important for something to do with how Substack recommends things or something. I don’t know - but please give it a Like and we’ll see what happens! :) Thank you!
That’s it for this week. What will happen now is that I will click ‘send’ and go ‘bugger! I was going to mention [insert thing here]!’ Because, trust me, there is something that I was going to tell you. And I’ve forgotten!
And it’ll only come to me once I send this…
I wonder what it is…?
Ho hum!
Have a great weekend and see you all next week!
James x
WAIT!!!
I remembered!
Apologies for this recording and, especially, the sound quality. It’s from BBC Spotlight (the nightly news prog for the South West of England) a couple of nights ago.
Seriously, people! Stop pooing on Berry Head! It’s bad enough that the dogs do it!